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The Guide to Swimwear for Fashion Conscious Men
How to Look Hot on the Beach
Let’s face it, most guys hear the sounds of the waves, feel the heat of the sun and think of the lure of lots of sexy, young, hot people running around in the sand and they grab the first piece of black Lycra they can find. As long as it keeps their genitals under wraps so they won’t scare the kids and they aren’t going to be falling over themselves in it, they’re satisfied.
However, that’s the reason that you see so many guys on the beach wearing a completely inappropriate swimsuit for men that does nothing to make them look good. In my opinion, there are a number of real crimes against humanity that you see on an everyday basis if you go down the beach, so here’s the shortlist of swimsuit for men no-no’s. There are plenty mistakes out there to make, but these are the top three worst that you can find on almost every beach.
Beach Crime
1. The Beached Whale
We’ve all seen it. The larger gentleman in the swimsuit for men that makes him look like someone’s tried to strangle a hot dog. If you’ve put on a few pounds over winter there’s no reason that you can’t enjoy the sun like everyone else, but just don’t assume that you can jump into the same Speedos you wore four years ago when you had a six pack. This isn’t a mistake made only by people who have trouble levering out of their chairs, the too-tight swimsuit for men mistake is commonly made even by people who are young and in the prime of life. Make sure you buy swimwear that fits you, and try it on before you go on holiday or down to the beach just in case you need to go shopping again. I’m not saying you should buy a swimsuit for men that is constantly falling off your hips, but aim for something that’s comfortable and secure.
2. A Hairy Encounter
It seems to me that there are a load of guys who think that if they’re straight, they can have a full perm down there poking out of the edge of a pair of Speedos and it’s ‘manly’. It’s not. I don’t like to see it, women don’t like to see it, nobody likes to see it. The nice thing about going to gay beaches is that there’s barely a curly hair in sight, only shaved, hot guys who have made sure to do their man-scaping before they strip off.
3. The Color of Beach Crime
Since when did it become OK to wear any color in the world no matter how lurid and bright as long as it’s in Lycra? The colors that compliment your skin tone work just as well in a swimsuit for men, so choose tones that look good on you. Don’t choose anything too busy with lots of patterns or anything that really draws the eye – if you want people staring at you, it’s much better if they look at your whole body than just at what’s between your legs. Too many men get given some disgusting colored swimsuit for men for Christmas or their birthday and think it’s alright to wear it in the sun, no matter what horrible shade it is.
Matching Suit to Situation
Another major personal foul when it comes to swimwear is wearing the wrong thing in the wrong situation. I’m a real fan of micro swimwear, which is great for tanning and looks really sexy because it only really covers the bare minimum of me, but it’s not something that I’d wear at the neighbor’s pool party!
If you’re going down to any public beach with normal coverage rules about what you can wear, I’d recommend a swimsuit for men that covers the stops of your thighs. Speedos are okay if you’ve trimmed down there, but most guys usually wear board shorts or swimming shorts because they’re easy to move around in and you won’t have to worry about ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ just as a mom takes her kids past. Another option that not many guys think about is bikini style swimwear. They’re the same basic shape as a woman’s bikini bottom so you still have to make sure that everything’s tidy pubic hair wise, but they actually cover slightly more of your ass than Speedos and they’re a really fashionable shape. Bikini style swimwear is really popular in Europe and becoming more so over here in the states, and there are some really great designs available.
Koala Swim make an Ass Market Bikini in electric blue, which might be a little risqué in some guys opinion, but keeps to the rules of the beach about covering up while still giving you a chance to tan. If you’re there to tan and you want to cover as little as possible, Koala Swim has always been my retailer of choice with their micro swimwear. When I’m tanning I usually swap between several sets of swimsuits to tan different parts of me. The Nucleus is a swimsuit that really just covers your genitals, with two really thin straps that stretch up in a ‘v’. However, it’s got a really nice bikini back so while you’re tanning on the front, you won’t burn any creamy white skin round the back! There are plenty of thongs on Koala Swim too, including G-Strings, T-Strings and designs that have adjustable straps so you can make sure that you don’t get a tan line anywhere – you might as well be sunbathing naked!
And finally, my favorite kind of situation that might not be for everyone: what to wear on a gay beach. Lots of gay beaches actually have a clothing optional rule, but some guys like me still want a swimsuit for men that looks sexy, or even something that stimulates my while I wear it. Some of the Koala Swim products have in built cock rings, butt plugs and cock rings that give you that sexy secret while you’re in front of everyone on the beach. It’s a real thrill when you see a guy who clearly recognizes what you’re wearing and knows what’s underneath it – you can tell because they can’t take their eyes off you! If that’s a bit too much for you, there are also swimsuit for men that are sheer mesh so that other guys can have a glimpse of your package without seeing everything, and swimwear to help you look a bit bigger than you are to give you extra confidence on the beach.
Look Good in Swimwear
I don’t think it’s much to ask that guys think about what they’re going to wear on the beach before they pack it in a bag and then dramatically pull off the towel on the beach in front of everyone. Personally, I buy a new swimsuit for men every year before summer, even if I still want to wear other suits that I already have as well. Choose something that you know fits because you’ve tried it on, and remember that some of the swimwear for men that look great on the model on the box might not look as good on you!
Guys who are a little doughy round the edges should stay clear of tight swimwear that will dig into them and make it obvious to everyone else that they’ve got a few extra pounds. Remember what you’re best feature is. If you’re proud of your package and you want to show it off, there are loads of swimsuits for men available that draw the eye to it without opting for patterns that are more likely to make people vomit than be impressed. If you like your ass, splash out and try a thong or a bikini to show it off a little. Alternatively, if you’re a little self conscious about either of these things or maybe you don’t like the idea of shaving off the extra hair down there, board shorts are always a safe option. Just try not to buy any that look like you’re wearing your shower curtain.
It’s not hard to look good on the beach! Many men find it difficult to make good choices about what suits them and what they look good in, which is why it’s sometimes a great idea to go swimsuit for men shopping with someone else who you think knows what they’re talking about. The most important thing is to buy and wear something that you feel comfortable in and makes you feel great, because if you feel good, you probably look good.
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